Where's Bron???

I've lost Max!!

2009-10-14T19:17:00.003+11:00

Not really of course ~ that would be carelessness in the extreme. No, Max was playing around on the scales yesterday and I realised that he weighs 24kg................wait a minute, that's how much weight I've lost so far!! I'm astonished because I can barely pick Max up anymore. He's just too heavy. I can pick him up for a cuddle, but I can't carry him in from the car if he's asleep or stagger around for long with him in my arms before I need to collapse into a chair. How on earth did I carry that weight around when it was attached to me? My back is sore from carrying little Froglet around for the past 3 weeks and he only weighs 3.5kg. Stupid back should think itself lucky that I wasn't placed with a 24kg infant! That'd teach it to whinge. I can't wait to see what it feels like to get rid of the next 16 or so kgs. I'll need someone to hold my hand so that I don't float off into the clouds.

Cruising!

2009-10-09T21:35:00.004+11:00

I seem to be cruising along here in 'Where's Bron' land ~ weight-loss is going well, little Froglet is thriving (gaining 165g in 6 days and earning himself 'legend' status with the MACH nurse!) and Max is managing the enormous changes in his life with his customary aplomb. We're going well.

I will get the lime and yellow garb on soon, because I'm sure there'll be a change to be seen, but there's the small matter of finding the time. It won't be long, but at the moment if there are 5 more minutes to be sleeping, I'm there. Sleep is a precious comodity with the little Froglet around, and I'm sure he'll get the hang of 'day' and 'night' soon, but for now he's got them arse about. He's swinging from the chandelier during the night, often managing to round out the wee small hours with a spectacular bowel motion. During the day he's a chilled little dude who eats and sleeps with regular monotony. He's not due to be born till the end of next week, so we'll cut him some slack until his official due date, and I'm sure his circadian rhythm will kick in soon enough the RIGHT way around.

An Addition

2009-10-03T10:11:00.003+10:00

Last week on Tuesday, there was a surprise addition to the 'Where's Bron' household. A beautiful baby boy came to us via foster care, and is living with us for as long as he needs to. He's 4 weeks old now, very gorgeous, and has turned our routine upside-down! I'm loving having him here, and making sure that he has the very best start possible, and Max is managing well, although his new computer game is far more interesting most of the time. An unexpected but very welcome consequence is that while I'm busy and tired, I'm not thinking about food, and the weightloss is powering ahead. I'm being careful to eat enough, and taking my mulit-vitamin, but not wondering about what the next meal is going to be at all. I did indeed reach the goal of getting into the 70's before Coffs Harbour, although our holiday bit the dust when news of the little Froglet hit so we didn't actually make it to Coffs at all (sob!!). Max was disappointed about missing out on the holiday, and so we'll probably have to go camping some time in the near future.............................I've got to do something with all the camping stuff that I've bought and never used!!!! The timing has been good because it's school holidays so Max is at home and can be part of it all rather than feeling excluded at school. So as little Froglet is drinking away and getting weighed to ensure that he's gaining enough weight, I'm shrinking more and more. I'm happy with the fill I've got so far, and so won't make an appointment to see the doc for a while yet. We'll see how long the 'babymoon' lasts!

The 70's Show!

2009-09-27T03:18:00.002+10:00

I'm in the 70's! Not the psychedelic ones, but the 'scale' ones. Yee-hah!

79.6

And The 'Half-Way-Mark' Whizzes Past!

2009-09-22T20:58:00.003+10:00

OMG! I've been a bit stressed over the last week or so (due to the whole 'will I get a baby soon' debacle) and consequently I've had difficulty eating much, particularly at breakfast time. Betty Band just seems to feel my pain, and if the nasty stress monster attacks, Betty gets narky too, and refuses food before about 11ish in the morning. This morning I jumped onto the scales to find that I've just shot past the 'half-way-mark'. There's more behind me than there is ahead of me at last!!!!!!!!!!!! I've only got to lose 0.2kg to get into the 70's so I just might make it before the school holidays after all.

(and just quietly, there's still a fair bit 'behind me' IFKWIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

What a crap blogger!

2009-09-20T13:13:00.003+10:00

Where is Bron indeed! I appologise profusely for being such a lazy, and absent blogger but there's been a lot going on!!

On the weight front, there hasn't been outrageous action. I've dropped another clothes size, but the scales are only moving slowly. I really wanted to get into the 70's before we got to Coffs Harbour, but since that's exactly a week away and I've got 1.3kg to go, I might not make it. I have less than a kilo to go before I've lost 20kg, and that might be achievable if I put my mind to it. I've had a huge 'clothes sorting frenzy' again, and gladly dropped 8 bags into the Salvos bins and bestowed another mountain of things on various friends. I've retreived many more 'didn't used to fit' clothes from different hidey-holes in the house and some of them have made their way back into circulation. It's certainly fun, there's no doubt about it. I love pulling the belt in another notch on some jeans that threatened to cut off my circulation only a few short months ago. Unfortunately my status as a single, part-time working parent means that there aren't spare funds lying around for a big shopping spree, but Dad usually gives me money for Christmas, so some of that might boost the economy in the fashion sector over December! I seem to be changing shape much faster than the scales would indicate, and so I don't want to go overboard and buy many things that I'll grow out of. Did I tell you it's fun??????

My biggest time-consumer over the past months has been the big Foster Care Quest. I've been on the road since the middle of last year when I made the first phone-call, and did training over March and April this year and millions and millions of hours of interviews in July and August. I finally went to the panel on September 1st, answered any questions they had left after they'd read the report that detailed my ENTIRE life, and was approved for long term care of a child or children 0-3 years of age. I'm really hoping for a young baby that stays with us till he-she ages out of the foster care system at 18 (and then still stays voluntarily after that), but I'm prepared that I'll probably care for some kids who'll return home after a period of time. It was a big decision to make, and I do think I'm ready for the challenge, but there have been some emotional hurdles to jump along the way, including last week when I was offered an 8 week old baby to care for 'indefinately', only to find later on that afternoon that she'd been placed with someone else. It wasn't a nice day, and I realised that my heart is more battered and bruised than I thought, but I stepped over it and moved on. Once the prospect of a baby coming to stay became a likely reality, the next obsession was sorting out the house in readiness. I really have been treading water at home for a few years, with 'sorting out and organising stuff' sitting way down on the list below 'just keeping it all together' and 'managing to remain sane'. There's been a lot to do, but I'm making good progress now and will have an organised and sorted house at some point in the future.

Sorry again for the crappy blog presence of late. I'll be good again now, I promise!!

After Dinner............................?

2009-08-19T08:58:00.003+10:00

I've identified my most dangerous time. The time when resolve fails and all manner of foods beckon and call and seduce and lure. It's after dinner when Max has gone to bed and I've tidied up the kitchen and I sit down. THAT'S when I want something to eat. Not a nice healthy morsel, but something big and bad. It's not hunger at all, it's a whole other................................'thing'. It's not 'boredom' exactly and it's not 'reward' eating..........................it's just 'I want something to eat'. The last few days I've been lying in wait for it to hit, and have had some things ready to satisfy it before it takes advantage of me and wins. I've set up a mug ready for low-cal hot chocolate, a little bowl of nuts and some fruit. That's been a moderately successful strategy. I've never been a girl scout (can you even imagine me wearing THAT uniform? Puulleeaase!) but the idea of 'being prepared' works pretty well. I've seen the monster, and I've got the weapons ready even before he rears his ugly head. My question, dear readers, is can you think of other satisfying, reasonably low-cal snacks that I might enjoy in the evening. I'm eating really well through the day at the moment with my 10.5ml onboard Betty Band, and so I've got the space to pop a few calories into the diet at that point, but they need to be things that will stop the monster dead. I'm ashamed to admit that there have been nights where the monster got me by the throat and I picked at this and that and the other until I felt sick. I've forbidden 'standing in front of the fridge' eating or 'standing in front of the pantry' eating, so now the snacks have to be planned and on a plate. Sometimes I don't need them, but I like to know I CAN have them if I want to.

.........and the results of my savage resistance of the snacking monster can be seen on my carrot ticker. I'm getting closer and closer to the half-way mark. I think my interim goal is to get into the '70's' before we go to Emerald Beach at the end of September. Let's see how well I kick the snack monster's butt!!

Birthday Moderation

2009-08-10T20:34:00.004+10:00

I seem to have survived the festivities of my 43rd birthday without any kilos to show for it! I had chocolate balls the day before my birthday with the Bunduluks, I ate both caramel mudcake AND caramel cheescake on my actual birthday and then topped it off with divine white chocolate cheescake on the weekend courtesy of Lyndall! So it can hardly be said that I deprived myself. I clearly didn't. I did the whole 'birthday eating' thing, but the scales now say 82.7kg. Yippeeee!!

Mental note to self....

2009-08-02T20:48:00.004+10:00

.....this woman is a complete & utter fruit-loop!

.....and when I start to feel hungry soon after meals, think about food all the time and stop losing weight (or ~heaven forbid~ start gaining weight!) I should ring up my clinic and get a fill. Those feelings are Betty Band YELLING at me to DO SOMETHING!!!!

Since my fill about 10 days ago, the whole thing is easy again. I feel satisfied after eating a small amount of food, I don't think about food in between the meals and I'm losing weight. I need to stay on top of it, and ring at the first sign of trouble next time.............................not wait and wait and wait and then have to wait some more for an appointment once I finally ring.

There are a few reasons why I waited too long last time:

I already had 10ml in an 11ml band, and so thought I needed to sit at that point for a while. Must talk to Dr Steve about what happens when I've got 11ml in an 11ml band. When I got there and told him how things were going, he said that clearly I needed more fill. He didn't seem worried that I've got so much already.

The clinic has just moved from Calvary Hospital in Belconnen to Calvary John James Hospital in Deakin. I'm not sure how long they were closed for the move, but there was a resulting backlog and delay in getting an appointment.

I'm a complete and utter fruit-loop, and so had a strong emotional reaction about Canberra Bariatric moving from a nice innocent hospital such as Calvary Belconnen TO CALVARY JOHN JAMES HOSPITAL ~ THE SCENE OF MY COUNTLESS IVF DISASTERS FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS!!!!!!! Those of you who think I'm quite normal.......................you're wrong. I'm frightened of a hospital. I cried about going into the carpark. I nearly vomited walking past the doorway TO THE DANGEROUS IVF BUILDING. I was a little flustered, but ok, once I actually got into the clinic and I didn't die, so hopefully next time it'll be better. I've spoken to my miracle worker/chiropractor/natural health guru and she 'cleared' the blocked emotions so I'll have to see what happens next time.

AARRRGGGHHH! Can I just move on with my life already? Maybe progressing my application to be a long-term foster carer will assist with leaving the whole IVF trauma behind. Maybe.

If you see a mad woman melted into a pathetic puddle in the front of Calvary John James Hospital..........................it might be me. Just step over the mess and move on. That's what I'm going to try and do.

What's the significance of 83kj?

2009-07-24T21:04:00.003+10:00

Since puberty, I've been a chubby young thing. I've always been more rounded than angular. It's just the way I am. I have a pretty healthy self-esteem and so it generally wasn't something that was a problem....................................until a MAN said something! In my late 20's I had a boyfriend that I was madly in love with, but he probably wasn't really ever madly in love with me..................................................isn't it amazing the clarity that hindsight provides!!! He was a lovely man (and probably still is) but he wasn't the right partner for me. That's clear now, but at the time, I was sure that he was. He was also incredibly weak and passive, and so instead of being honest and saying "I'm never going to marry you and have children, and since that's obviously what you want, we should break up....." he used the strategy of being as unpleasant as possible in the hopes that I'd leave. Of course I took his criticism and complaining as a challenge to better myself so that he would begin to love me..................isn't it embarrassing to look back at your younger, stupider self!!!!!!!!!!!?? Anyway, one stormy night, he made mention that I was much cuter when my bottom was smaller. What a shallow, ignorant man. I was then determined to lose weight and get 'cuter' again. At the time, I was 83.8kg. The number was burned into my brain. At the time, I was the heaviest I'd ever been. I did lose about 10kg but of course the boyfriend had already moved on emotionally when he made the comment, and so eventually the rest of him moved on too, despite my smaller, cuter bottom. He did me a favour, as he was emotionally crippled and prejudiced against round bottoms, but he left a great big '83kg' imprinted on my brain as the imaginary line in the sand beyond which no boyfriend would follow. So, THAT'S why I didn't want to be stuck on 84kg, but stuck I was for a good 4 or 5 weeks. Never mind, I've finally budged, and luckily grown up enough that my self-esteem will never be guided by the opinion of a tall, handsome dickhead.

Hi Vicki and Fi!!!!!

2009-07-24T14:07:00.002+10:00

Hello dear friends who are waiting for an update ~ I've been a very lax blogger. Actually, I've been really struggling with the whole 'not-losing-weight' caper and so hiding my head in the sand for a while. I got a fill on Wednesday, so now have a grand total of 10.5ml in an 11ml band and that seems to have done the trick. I'm on the way down again now. I just wish this was a nice, consistent process but it appears that it's not going to be.

I've got to run, but I've finally reached a significant weight goal. I'll explain later when I have more time, but let's just say, THIS wasn't a good time to plateau. FINALLY I can get the next True Blood episode.

83.5 83.5 83.5 83.5 83.5 83.5

And then he gave me chocolate.......

2009-07-02T10:23:00.003+10:00

........and for those loyal readers who are waiting with bated breath for my elusive husband to finally show up..............exhale! It's not THAT kind of 'he gave me chocolate.'

My student teacher finished his block prac this Monday and he gave each of us a gorgeous wooden bowl filled to the brim with yummy coffee sachets, divine gourmet tim-tams and CHOCOLATE!! I steeled my reserve, and decided that I could eat one of the tiny Lindt choccies with my morning coffee, and then maybe a biscuit at arvo tea. All went well, until Tuesday evening when I was alone in the office and working away. As is usually the case, 'the munchies' crept up on me. I was hungry. I should have got a drink of water. I should have packed up and gone home for dinner. I should have told the 'munchies' to f&%$#-off! But no, I ate 2 of the divine biscuits and at least 3 of the chocolates. I'd been right down to 84kg (and astute readers will know that this is 0.1kg away from another episode of True Blood), but today I'm right back to 84.8kg. Lucky I didn't get around to adjusting my ticker to reflect the slide towards the magical 83kg, because I'm right back to what it currently reads. Poop. Damien, I realise that you're not a reader of my blog, but if you happen to be psychic (as well as a nice boy and a great potential teacher), please don't put any chocolate within reach of Bron in the future. Her TV viewing career is at stake here!!!

Over The Hump

2009-06-29T19:58:00.003+10:00

FINALLY, I seem to have shaken off the celebration-itis and I'm on the straight and narrow again! It's taken me longer than I thought it would to start losing weight once more after the overeating/overdrinking week of Judy's birthday. I've been eating properly for 10 days or so and really flogged myself with Personal Trainer Extraordinaire last week, but the bl&%$ scales just wouldn't budge. I'm on the way down now, and just can't wait to crack the 83 kg mark, because I'm dying to get the next episode of True Blood from itunes. The DVD's are now available in the shops, but I don't trust myself to buy it because I know that I'd just watch them........................self-control has never been a virtue that I've had in my arsenal of goodies I'm afraid! Keep your eyes on my carrot ticker because as soon as you see '83', you won't be able to contact me on the phone, and I won't answer the door if you ring the bell..................................actually, you know that I can't resist doing either of those things, but you get the picture. I'll be BUSY.

Recovering From Celebration-itis

2009-06-20T21:47:00.003+10:00

It's been a busy couple of weeks here at "Where's Bron?" with lots of work commitments as well as Judy's 70th birthday which turned out to be a week-long celebratory extravaganza. My eating and exercise regime had been going really well since the latest fill, and my weightloss was powering ahead, but all this celebration has hit the 'pause' button for a little while till I get back into the groove again. I just ate too much and consumed copious quantities of alcohol (well not exactly 'copious', but WAY more than my usual '1 glass every 3 months'!!!!!). I think I've hit just the right spot in terms of my 'fill', and don't have another appointment with the doc. I might make one for a fortnight away, and I can just see how I'm going when it comes up.

I'm still astounded when I put on items of clothing and find that they're miles too big. It takes some getting used to, because it's the only hard evidence I've got that I've lost weight. It's that weird self-perception thing going on I think. I realise that I must look different, and understand what the dwindling numbers on the scale mean but at the end of the day, I feel the same as I did a month or 2 ago and don't perceive a huge difference in the mirror. I've now had a couple of people who haven't seen me recently asking about the weightloss, so it's beginning to be obvious to others. I can't wait for it to be obvious to me. My 'too loose' clothes are keeping me in the loop while I wait for my brain to catch up!

The 'Too Small' Pile & a Cinderella Moment

2009-06-08T20:35:00.005+10:00

Yesterday I started to try on the pants that were in my 'too small' pile at the top of the wardrobe and [insert drum-roll] they were mostly too big!!! I offloaded at least 20 pairs today ~ MAN that feels good. They will never, ever fit me again. It's great that the nice ones have gone to a good home (2 good homes actually), the really ugly ones will go to Judy's church (that just sounds wrong, but you know what I mean.................................at least those of you who are heathens will know) and any rejects that are any good will get sold on ebay so that I can buy some new pants for myself. I've got enough to keep me going, and a couple of pairs that I'm yet to fit back into so it's all good.

My next weight loss surprise is that my feet are getting smaller. Weird but true. In my fashion parade of the mostly-too-big-pants, I was looking for shoes to go with various outfits and put on shoes that I haven't worn for eons. You know, those totally gorgeous but pinchy, uncomfortable kinds of shoes that lurk at the back of everyone's wardrobe. Well I popped some of them on yesterday and just like the glass slipper, they slipped right on. Surely that means that a Handsome Prince is just around the corner???

True Blood

2009-06-05T08:46:00.003+10:00

I tend to be a 'reward myself with food' kind of girl and unfortunately that appears to have become decidedly out of fashion, and so I'm currently rewarding myself with blood.......................................................

......................actually, with episodes of the HBO TV series, 'True Blood'. Each time I dip below the next kg, I download another installment to my ipod. HBO tend to make the more quirky and unusual type stuff and this is no exception. It's set at a time when synthetic blood has been developed, and so vampires no longer have the need to feed on humans. They live amongst the people, but of course they are mistrusted and feared. I'm on a bit of a vampire kick since reading 'Twilight', and so 'True Blood' is right up my alley. I'm loving it! It's weird, sexy, funny and romantic and the male lead is divine. I'm excited to see the kilos drop on the scales, but 'True Blood' is working well as an incentive at the moment.

Saggy, Baggy Pants

2009-06-03T20:44:00.004+10:00

Today I wore a cute brown shift dress that I usually pair with some slim black pants. I climbed up into the cupboard and grabbed the first pair I could lay my hands on (I'm ashamed to say that I've got several pairs of black pants) and they were just too big and looked dreadful. I went to the next pair in the pile and by this stage it was getting dangerously close to 'if-you-don't-get-in-the-car-in-5-minutes-you'll-be-late' time, and so I did the rest of my getting ready routine and ran out the door. Luckily the brown dress is to my knees because the pants looked JUST as dreadful as the 1st pair. They were saggy, baggy and unattractive. Don't get me wrong ~ I'm thrilled about losing the weight, but the fashion side of things is tricky. It's not wise to start shopping yet, but I just can't wait!!!

Limey Yellow Goodness

2009-05-31T21:32:00.005+10:00

So finally here's the next installment of the lime and yellow outfit (and the body inside it). I can see a difference this time, so must get back to doing some each month. I rigged up a very 'cat-in-the-hat-esque' arrangement with my camera on top of a stool on top of a chair but no matter what I tried, I couldn't dissuade Finnegan from participating.

What do you think?

I probably won't debut this outfit in public anytime soon!!!

Bo Derek ~ Eat Your Heart Out!

2009-05-30T19:27:00.004+10:00

The gorgeous braided 70's icon can go jump ~ I'm a perfect '10' too just like her!! (shame I don't actually have her body however!) At my fill appointment on Wednesday, the lovely Steve put another 0.5ml in Betty Band and so she now holds a grand total of 10ml. I asked him if that's a bit excessive for this stage in the process and he said that it's bang on average for the type of band that I've got. He said that I've had more fills than the average though because of their cautious approach at the start, but the volume is on target. I've lost another kilo pretty easily, so I do think I've got much better restriction now. I don't go back to the clinic for another month, so the perfect '10' had better do the trick, cause I ain't getting any more for a while.

On the exercise front, I've been having my weekly visits from Personal Trainer Extraordinaire, and she leaves me an array of 'instruments of torture' to punish myself with over the week until I see her again. I'm ashamed to admit that I almost enjoy the sessions with her, and feel quite motivated to keep up with the body torture in between sessions. My beautiful bike has arrived and after spending $100,000,000,000 on vital accessories such as helmet, basket, pump, bike lock etc. she's up and running. I initially took her out for a spin by myself for reassurance that I can actually still ride a bike, and then today I hitched up the trailer and towed Max around the lake as he sat snuggled in the cocoon with his Nintendo DS. It was surprisingly easy, and so I don't think I'll have any trouble using her to travel to work or for doing the groceries, but my legs still got a workout because with the added weight from Max in the rear, I needed to add a fair bit of leg-power to get up the hills.

The emotional eating has settled down for now, and I'm on the lookout for it's attack again. I'll need to arm myself with some strategies for the onslaught because I'm not silly enough to think that stress has left the building permanently. Got any ideas??

So, the summary is that things are going pretty well. I'm brave enough to put on the limey-yellow gear and will attempt the solo photo shoot tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Busy+Stressed=Eating Too Much

2009-05-24T21:56:00.003+10:00

It's been a busy week, with lots of nights out and some work/life induced stress. I've really noticed over the past few days that my drug of choice is food. I reach for it almost obsessively when the going gets tough. I've eaten far too many chocolate chip cookies this week, I've nicked Max's custards and I've finished leftovers instead of putting them away in the freezer or fridge. It's stupid and self-defeating and so I then don't document it in my fancy-schmancy ipod program and don't exercise (because you might as well just lie down and die when something goes wrong!). I'll sort myself out this week and get back on the wagon, but it's an interesting self-observation. I knew that I was a comfort eater, but because I'm so focused on my eating behaviours right now, I've been more able than ever to step back and observe the fascinating science project known as 'Bron'. I guess being able to see it for what it is constitutes the first step in avoiding it. NO MORE STUFFING FOOD INTO ONESELF TO CURE ALL ILLS!

I'm back to the clinic on Wednesday and I still don't think I'm at quite the right spot with fills, so will be asking for a bit more. I read a post on a forum today from a patient at my clinic who got one of the new bands just before me. She has 9.7ml in this better, higher capacity band (I've got 9.5ml) and she can still eat much, much more than a cup and doesn't have a sensation of satisfaction. I guess the key is patience, and honest communication with the surgical team so that we can work together to get it working properly. It's not a race, and the goal is to get there in the end, but I'd love to be really on the way soon.

An 'oops' and a 'yay'

2009-05-18T22:32:00.004+10:00

Just wanted to say that I didn't put the lime and yellow outfit on over the weekend because there was nobody here to take photos, and I haven't found the right thing to put the camera on for self-timer shots. I'll have to sort it out because more often then not, there's nobody else here. Ooops.

I have, however, finally noticed a change in the way my clothes fit. Today I wore purple and black striped tights. I know, I know ~ I shouldn't be admitting THAT on a public blog. The big news was though that they fit. Really. Properly. I haven't worn them in a while, but the last time I did, they kept creeping down my bum until I had to slink off to the bathroom to haul them up. They were actually almost a little loose today. Yay.

I've conquered the carrot!!!!!!

2009-05-15T21:35:00.001+10:00

As you can see, the carrot ticker succumbed to the pressure of me stuffing about with it every day and finally WORKED. I'm slightly peeved about advertising a weight-loss drug and it's associated forum, but I can't work out how to get rid of that just yet. For now, I'll just rejoice in the defeat of the carrot. Yay me.

...and BTW

2009-05-15T15:57:00.003+10:00

1. I'm still arguing with the divine 'carrot' weight loss ticker, so for now we'll have to make do with the little orange car driving towards goal. It's cute, but the carrot one is cuter.
2. Fi ~ you're so good at booting my bum!!! I'll get the limey yellow garb on over the weekend when there's someone here to take my pics.
3. Since tracking my intake on 'Edibles', I've discovered that I'm eating about 850 calories a day at the moment (because of great restraint, not Betty Band doing her job, I might add!). Does that sound like an appropriate amount? I'm tracking calories rather than kilojoules because the numbers are lower and so easier for my feeble non-numerate brain to cope with.
4. The lower half of my body wants me to mention that it really DID work hard yesterday, and is feeling a bit seedy today! It's 'Walk Safely To School Day' and so I had to trot up there and back this morning and my nether regions were screaming at me to stop............................does it mean you're mad if you talk to your nether regions??

MIA ~ Sorry!!

2009-05-14T21:05:00.004+10:00

Sorry I disappeared but my new ipod was calling me...........A LOT! I bought a cheapie mp3 player at Aldi last week and it kept freezing all the time so I returned it then caved and bought a 16G ipod touch for ten times the price. I'm in lurve!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's sleek and sexy, it's intuitive enough that even ancient technophobes can work it and it does lots and lots of useful things!!! So far I've put about 15 of my albums on it and downloaded 'Love Actually', 'Spiderman' x2, 'Jackie Chan' x2 and 'True Blood' x2. I've become addicted to 'Aurora Feint' which is a game (shock horror!) and I'm tracking my calories consumed and weight loss on 'Edibles'. In true form, I chose 'Edibles' as my food diary app because it's got a cute icon, but now I've read lots of reviews and taken it for a ride myself and it really is a clever little piece of programming. I've got a couple of books loaded up to the ipod, but I'm still stumped when it comes to re-formatting my existing e-books into something that ipod likes. I'll work it out eventually. I've downloaded a budget app that I haven't explored much yet and for de-stressing, I've got a koi pond to gaze into. Stay tuned and I'll let you know when I can get the ipod to do the washing and ironing.

Yesterday I saw Dr Steve and he put another 0.5ml into Betty, so she's now holding 9.5ml in total. We had a good chat, and I said that I STILL don't have great restriction. He feels that it's because I've got the newest version of this band, and due to the greater capacity, most people don't have restriction until somewhere between 9 and 10ml, but all I do is read forums where people complain of being overfilled at around the 6-7ml mark. I guess it doesn't matter what 'other people' are doing, I just have to get where I'm going myself! Dr Steve suggested that I come back in 2 weeks and see where I'm up to then. I'm certainly closer to the magic spot where it all works perfectly, and I couldn't scoff down a mountain of food anymore, but I can still eat more than I really should. Small steps.

Today was my first visit from Personal Trainer Extraordinaire. I really liked her, and we did Tai Chi for warmup and then a combination of Pilates and Yoga for strength training and finally Bosu for flexibility and cardio. I LOVED the Bosu, so I think that's something that I'll eventually buy, and at only $200, it's a fair bit cheaper than the treadmill I was investigating. I'm going to see the trainer once a week for 6-8 weeks and then re-assess the frequency. I can't afford it weekly for long, but I think she'll be able to set me up with a program that I can work on independently eventually, with the occasional check-in. After she left I put some music on the ipod and went for a 30 minute walk. I felt truly virtuous.................and my hips hurt a bit tonight.

So, I'm supported with technology, a bit more fill and on the road to a good exercise program................................if I don't lose lots and lots of weight soon I'm going to scream.

A bad case of technology rage!

2009-05-06T20:16:00.003+10:00

As Vicki noticed, my friend the blow-up-dolly just wouldn't play nicely so I had to expel her from my blog.........................plus, she was far too slim to be my friend anyway. I've put a temporary note up with my vital statistics, but I've found a completely divine weight-loss-ticker where a sprightly woman in a striped onesie runs along a great big carrot. I WANT IT! But it won't play nicely for me. I'm leaving it up there until I can fix it because I WILL NOT BE BEATEN BY A GIANT CARROT!

I'm Exhausted!!

2009-05-02T10:30:00.003+10:00

First off, my 'blow-up-dolly' in the sidebar has gone mad, and no matter what I do, she remains slim and gorgeous. I'd love that to be reflecting my progress at the moment, but alas, she's just doing her own thing! I'll have another go at fixing her but if I'm unsuccessful, I'll need to stick a pin in her belly and deflate her in all her gorgeousness! Stay tuned on that one.

I spent most of yesterday consulting Mr Google about bikes, gyms, personal trainers and home fitness equipment. If reading about exercise had any physical benefits, I'd be Ms Universe this morning! I've come to the conclusion that I'll buy an electric bike so that I reap the cardio benefits each time I ride, but in my unfit state, I'll be able to ride to the supermarket AND home again with a full load. I'll also be able to tow Max on the occasions where that suits me better than having him on his bike behind me. I was finding out all about electric bikes at a shop in Fyshwick and on the way out to the car was approached by a man who let me know that the brand of bike I was interested in would be vastly cheaper if I bought direct from the manufacturer in Queensland. I rang Electro Bikes as soon as I got home and sure enough, my preferred bike was about $600 cheaper if I bought direct. I'll consider over the weekend, but I'll probably buy next week while their sale is still on. That takes care of the 'bike' part of my exercise plan, but the rest is still a bit hazy. I spent an hour with a personal trainer in Gungahlin, but he costs $70 a week, and even if I only do that for 3 months, it's a significant cost that I can't maintain. I looked at all the gyms too, but I'm leaning towards hiring a treadmill for home at the moment. Some form of 'at home' exercise does away with the 'too hot/cold/dark/no babysitter' line of excuses and if I find that I like it, I can convert to 'hire-to-buy'. I then want a personal trainer who I can call on once a month or so who will supervise and refine my progress and help me find more opportunities to build exercise into my existing life, rather than adding more cost. What do you think?

I'll add a piccy of the delicious Electro Bike known as a 'Crusader' that I'm thinking I'll get. Cute huh??

Chugging Along

2009-04-27T14:44:00.003+10:00

Thanks for the boot up the bum Fi ~ I'm a crap blogger aren't I!!!!! I need more friends to share in the booting up the bum because that will get me blogging more frequently I'm sure! You know how I like a good chat.

Here's the update:

Things seem to be slowly but surely getting organised in my insides. Slow learner that I am, I'm gradually working out what will go down well and when I need to be cautious and STOP, or just chew more thoroughly and eat slowly and carefully. Some steak with bread that I ate wasn't a great success, but I stopped before the python got me, and that little piggy had another go at me during Farm Breakfast at Sam's but again, I took a break and took it carefully so that I WON (and the little piggy didn't!). Betty Band is more of a dominatrix first thing in the morning, and seems to slack off a bit in the evening and so it gets easier and easier to eat as the day goes on. My eyes are still bigger than the pouch that Betty Band has given me, and so I frequently order more than I can eat, but I'm getting better at stopping before I feel uncomfortable. I'm getting the hang of the 'food' caper.

I'm not, however, getting the hang of exercise. What I need to do is get onto an exercise regime that I can keep up. I've been walking more and more, but it's certainly not a habit yet, and with the arctic weather that Canberra has treated us to over the past few days, I'm sure that the procrastinating is only going to get worse. I've decided to spend Kevin's money on exercise stuff, but whether that turns out to be a combination of an exercise bike and some personal training or exactly WHAT remains to be seen. Lovely Julie offered weeks ago to do some walking with me, and Vicki has offered a bike, but I need to organise myself (BOTH brain and body) and decide how I want to move this forward.

........and as always, I'm open to suggestion.

............................and my bottom is poised for some more booting when I slack off again.

Bron-0 Little Piggy-10

2009-04-15T21:22:00.004+10:00

So we went out for breakfast on Easter Sunday. Innocent enough idea for the special day. Lyndall makes spectacular Eggs Benedict, and so I loaded my plate with muffins topped with avocado, smoked salmon, baby spinach, poached eggs, hollandaise sauce and a side of bacon. Now when most people talk about a 'side' of bacon, they're referring to a 'side order' of bacon. I think a 'side order' is for sissies. When I speak about a 'side' of bacon, I mean 'THE WHOLE SIDE OF THE LITTLE PIGGY'!!!! At least I used to. A person who has had a gastric lapband has no business feasting on that much of the little piggy (or as much of any other things that appeared on my plate either). As I was carrying my laden plate to the table, I decided that one more piece of bacon was in order. I popped that extra piece into my mouth, but instead of chewing as I walked to the table, I decided that I'd prefer not to look like the little piggy herself, and so I hastily chewed and swallowed before heading to the table. That was a mistake. A BIG mistake. I sat down and valiantly loaded my fork up, putting a couple of things into my mouth, but very sneakily, a gigantic python had wound itself around my stomach and was slowly squeezing me to death................at least that's what it felt like. Before long I had to excuse myself and went upstairs to the bathroom where I waited for the little piggy to escape. The discomfort got worse and worse so I snuck down to get a fizzy drink of mineral water to release the wicked python's grip. And eventually it did. The little piggy came back up the same way that she went down and immediately I felt better. Betty Band felt sore and sorry though, and so there was no more eating for the rest of the day. And that was a big bugger, because lunch was at Dad's house with a couple of curries on the menu. I'm going to have to get used to a different kind of eating from here on in.

Today I had my third fill appointment, and I confessed my adventure with the little piggy to Dr Steve. He admonished me for eating the bacon in the first place, and said that nobody is careful enough until they get something stuck, so it's a good learning experience. He put another 0.5ml into Betty Band bringing me up to a total of 9ml, and said that this is close to the spot where the majority of people feel 'just right' with this kind of band, so he wants me to wait a month before I get any more put in. I've had mushy food since, and will test it out with something more substantial tomorrow..............although I'll stay away from the little piggy.

We have lift-off!

2009-04-06T21:27:00.004+10:00

As you've probably gathered by the fact that I've started blogging again, things are going ok at last. Betty Band is finally pulling her weight. Since my 2nd fill last week I have some restriction, and so I'm starting to explore what that feels like. It seems to vary a bit in what makes me feel full and what just slips on down. I had a piece of toast the other morning and couldn't even finish it, and then the following day, I had french toast and I easily ate 2 full pieces and could have eaten more if I'd been silly enough to cook more. I think I'll still go to my appointment next Wednesday (15th April) and let Dr Steve know how I'm going and let him decide whether any more fill is in order. I haven't noticed any movement in the scales yet, so will keep my eyes peeled for that................................after all that's what the whole thing is about really.

All quiet on the western front

2009-04-02T22:48:00.005+11:00

I've eaten lots of different things today and all seems fine. I definitely don't have an overfill, and probably don't have quite enough fill just yet either. I DO have more of a sense of restriction though, and so I'm nearly there. I feel OK too, and don't have that desperation that was creeping in. It'll be fine. Betty Band (the Voluptuous and Cute one!!) is getting her act together. I Y Dr Steve!!!

On the right track.....

2009-04-01T20:37:00.005+11:00

I think I might be almost, sort of, nearly, maybe on the right track! I saw Dr Steve Jamieson today and really liked him. He explained that I have a new kind of band (released in the US at the end of 2007 but only used in this practise since November last year) and they're still getting used to how different people respond to fills. This new band (Swedish Adjustable Gastric Band 'SAGB' VC) has a higher capacity than the previous versions and so it takes more fill to reach just the right level of restriction. We talked about how it's been going and I was pretty honest about how frustrated I'm getting with having no restriction at all...................................and the 4 pieces of pizza that I ate last night!!!!! I'd only gained 1kg, but he said that it's pretty normal, and nobody loses much weight in the first couple of months. He was very reassuring, and I finally felt less anxious that this too will be a big flop like evil IVF. I like Dr Mosse a lot, but Dr Jamieson kept saying things like "We'll sort it out and get you there." and "Don't worry. I'll make sure you get the right level of restriction." I feel pretty safe in his hands. I also said that I've found it too hard to wait 6 weeks then 4 weeks in between appointments ~ his response was "Come back in 2 weeks then." Yay. He was going to put 2ml in, and as he was about to do it, I said that I hoped it was enough and so he ended up putting 2.5ml in. He got me to drink a glass of water before going, and I did that with no trouble. He was still a bit cautious and so asked me to go downstairs to the cafe and have a coffee just to be sure that all was ok. I enjoyed the quiet sit with a coffee before racing off to work and there was no public spewing. I've since had soup and fruit for lunch and scrambled eggs with veggies for dinner so I'm pretty sure I'm not overfilled. I suspect that I'm not quite restricted enough, but closer than before.

So it's been a big day. I've discovered that Betty Band is a 'VC'. I have no idea what 'VC' stands for and Google won't help me, but I'm choosing to believe that it's 'voluptuous and cute'. I've discovered that I'll probably need more fill than other people that I know before I'm at the right spot. I've discovered that I've been having lots of anxiety about succeeding, but Dr Steve is the cure at the moment.

Whew.

It's nice to be back on track.

When the going gets tough, the tough don't blog!

2009-03-29T20:31:00.003+11:00

I apologise for the absence. Lyndall mentioned to me yesterday that "Where's Bron" has been a little boring of late and she's right! Actually, I think I've been practising that old desert trick of 'head in the sand'. I don't feel like I've got a lapband and I'm not eating like I've got a lapband so if I stay away from that 'lapband blog' it will be just as if I didn't have the lapband at all!! Unfortunately I've got 5 little scars on my tummy that would beg to differ. I do have a lapband, and on Wednesday (in 3 more sleeps) I see the new Dr for some more fill. I so hope that he puts enough in this time to make a difference. I want more than a deep, deep hole in my bank account to remind me that I've had the surgery. I want to eat a reasonable meal and to feel full. I want help to stop after I've had the right amount. I want to lose some weight for a change. I haven't weighed myself in a couple of weeks, and I know that the scales are snickering away as we speak. They're bastards, but they won't get the better of me. If all else fails, I'll eat and eat and gain enough weight to squash the little suckers! But seriously, I need to get back on the wagon, dust all the crap off me and get on with the journey. Wednesday is the beginning of the next part of this trip, and hopefully the scales will live to see old age.

I love Wednesday!

It's A Tough Gig!

2009-03-13T19:25:00.005+11:00

There are more hills on this little trip that I'm taking than I thought there'd be.......................................and I'm crap at peddling up hills! I really thought that the first fill would be the turning point, but I seem to be able to eat nearly as much as before, I have no real discernable sensation that I'm nearing the 'full' point and I'm just as hungry as before. I knew that it wouldn't be easy, but I'd like it to be easier from now on thanks (and if my special reader, God, is online, could you please arrange that? Pronto!) I'm fed up with trying to monitor and restrict myself, but it occurs to me that I actually signed up for 'monitoring and restricting myself' the moment I agreed to go for the surgery. I haven't taken any March photos, and I don't think I will because there isn't anything to report. I've gained at least a kilo, so don't want the torture of putting that lime & yellow outfit on for naught. I promise that I'll do April ones. Pinky promise.

Tonight Max and I had decided to stay home instead of eating at the Mall with the Read/Sheaves contingent. Mostly I wanted to save the money since I ate out last night, but when I told Max about this plan, he was really disappointed that he wouldn't get his regular 'junk-food' fix, and so I relented and said that we'd drive through and get him something. I defrosted a meal for myself before we left so that I wouldn't be tempted to get anything for me when we were there. All went well until it was my turn to talk to the disembodied voice at the KFC outlet. I ordered Max's meal without even raising a sweat...........................and then I ordered a meal for myself. The words just came out of my mouth. Now, words coming out of my mouth isn't a foreign experience (as those near and dear to me can attest!!!!!) but I'm usually a very considered person. I think about what I say and do. Not tonight though. The little chubby girl inside me escaped and ordered. And then I could have thrown my meal in the bin at home before even leaving the garage, but no, I just ate it. I loved it too. Then to add insult to injury, I ate the defrosted meal AS WELL! Now I feel a bit sick and quite full. I guess it'll stop me from doing it again. Maybe. Hopefully.

My surgeon says that it's the life-style changes that make all the difference. The surgery only makes it a bit easier. It's not making it any easier for me at the moment though, so I'd better get a wriggle on with the life-style changes or that little chubby girl will start making fashion choices for me and taking control of the TV remote. She's clearly an imbecile so I need to keep her firmly locked within. Better get out there and do some exercise. I see Dr Steve on April Fools Day, and I'm going to ask him to CRANK IT UP!

On a completely other note, did you notice that I changed the background colour of the blog? I was enjoying reading a blog that I follow that uses black text on a white background and tried it out for my blog......................I just couldn't handle the stark simplicity of it but settled for increasing the text/background contrast. What do you think?

Are We There Yet?

2009-03-09T14:28:00.002+11:00

Well the fill last week has given me a better sense of restriction than before, but not nearly enough to make me really WANT to eat less. I feel full earlier than without it, but not early enough yet. So 5-6mls is getting closer, but no, we're not there yet. Next fill appointment is on April 1st (what a worry THAT date is!!!!!!!) and is with the practice's other fill doctor, Steve Jamieson. I've heard good things about him, so looking forward to chatting with someone different about it all. In the meantime, I need to get onto the exercise regime and do my best to make sensible eating choices. I generally choose good food, but the whole reason that I'm here with an alien in my belly is because I eat too much of the good food. I can't wait until I have more help to eat less!

Easy-Peasy-Lemon-Squeezy

2009-03-06T14:18:00.006+11:00

I went back to Dr Mosse for my first fill today, and it was such an easy experience. I hopped on the scales and he determined that I've lost 10kg (so I've only re-gained a kilo over this period of no restriction) and then I climbed onto the bed. He felt around for my port and apparently it's very easy to access, which is a good thing because then there's no drama with fills or un-fills. I was interested to discover that he usually DOES put some fill into people's bands in theatre, and so he expected that I already had some in. (He didn't know the exact amount though because my surgical record wasn't in my file.) After feeling around for the correct spot, he put the needle into the port and took out all the fill that was there so that he could see how much I had, and it was somewhere between 2-3mls. So now I know that 2-3mls isn't enough for me!! He put in another 3mls today so I have a total of 5-6mls now. I had a really unusual sensation when he took the fill out, but almost no sensation when he was injecting it in, and of course the needle didn't have an impact on me at all ~ I'm so completely over needles after 3 years of self-injecting for IVF!!. I still feel exactly the same, and have drunk a coffee and eaten salmon on biscuits for lunch with no ill effects. I can't say I felt particularly full either, but will have to wait a bit to assess that fully. I go again on the 1st of April for the next fill, and hopefully that will get me closer to the restriction I need for good, steady weightloss. I understand that getting to just the right level can be a bit of trial and error, and so I don't expect it overnight.

So finally, 6 weeks post-op, Betty Band is charged up and ready to go. I'll allow the scales back into my life from tomorrow, and see how the reconciliation goes. This next stage of the process is to sort out an exercise regime that will suit me. I'd like to try cycling and walking initially, because if I can beg, borrow or steal a bike, there won't be lots of money to spend on my program. I may look at a gym and/or personal trainer over the Winter, but for now finances are such that free exercise is the way to go!!

I'm due for my next lot of progress photos, so will get to that over the weekend. Probably not much action to report with the photos, but it's good to just keep track.

...as the scales stare with their lonely eyes.

2009-02-25T22:04:00.002+11:00

The scales have got the flick. It's only a trial separation of course. I'll let them back into my life when there's some action (of the 'downwards' variety of course) but for now, we're living separately. They sit forlornly next to the table and watch me eat, completely unable to pass comment. I guess they'll recover eventually. You see, I began to see the kg's creeping back on over the past couple of weeks and found it just too depressing, so I decided to just do my best and not focus on what's happening to my weight. There's less angst that way. I'm sure that the doc will weigh me when I go in for my fill next week, but it can be his lucky surprise. I'll keep the scales at arm's length till then.

13 More Sleeps Till It Works!

2009-02-21T23:05:00.004+11:00

At the moment I've got a shiny, new lap-band around my stomach THAT DOESN'T WORK! The idea is that the band is put in with no fill in it so that all the appropriate healing and settling-in occurs after the surgery. After a period of 4-6 weeks, some fill is gradually introduced via the port over a number of appointments until the optimum level is reached and the patient (that'd be ME!) tolerates most food but feels full after a very small meal. When I made my appointment for the first fill, I asked for a Thursday or Friday, as these are days that I don't work. Thursday, the 6th of March was the first such appointment. AAArrrrggghhh! It's so hard to just eat a reasonable meal when I can essentially eat anything and in quantities similar to what I was used to eating pre-band. I haven't gained any weight yet, but I haven't lost any either over the past week, and I think it's only a matter of time before the kg's creep back on as I resume my normal eating patterns. I know this is only temporary, and so will attempt to a. be sensible and b. not beat myself up about any weight gain. Let's see how I go!

.........and I know that this post says essentially the same as the previous one so I'm sorry for the boring blog moment! I feel essentially the same as then too ......................................hungry!

...and then it got a bit trickier!

2009-02-15T22:11:00.002+11:00

When my surgeon put the band in, he didn't actually put any fluid into the band. That's what he's supposed to do so that everything can heal properly and settle into place. The problem is that it means that really I can eat anything just as if there was nothing there.........................and there's nothing to make me think that I'm full, apart from what was there already. I'm HUNGRY! I have to rely on willpower until the 6th of March when I see the surgeon again and he puts some fill in so that the food doesn't just go straight down but actually sits in the new top part of my stomach. If it sits there, I'll feel full and won't want to eat more. I haven't lost any weight for 4 or 5 days now, and I REALLY want to eat more than I'm eating. It's not the end of the world if I put on a bit, but it does feel like I'm going backwards a bit. It's been 6 weeks since I've eaten normally, and all I want to do is eat and eat and eat now that hunger has returned. It's really hard to resist. I hope the days go quickly until 6th March.

Still A Loser!

2009-02-08T20:18:00.003+11:00

It's been a busy few days, with the return to work for me and school for Max last week. I was out 3 nights last week as well, but all in all things have gone well. I've been managing 'mushies' but I must admit, I'm looking forward to eating 'normal' food soon. I started the Optifast regime on the 2nd of Jan, moved to 'liquids only' for the first 2 weeks post-op and now 'mushies' for another week and a half. I know that my diet, once this is all finished, will be very different to what it was before the surgery, but it'll be a lot closer to 'normal' than my current diet. I'm sticking to smoothies for breakfast on most days, scrambled eggs or tinned salmon for lunch and then something pureed for dinner. Last night it was spag bol, and tonight it was lentils and vegetables with cous cous. The hardest thing is managing to get enough water into me without eating too close to a meal. I can't drink within half and hour of a meal, and that's when I'm used to drinking. I'll get the hang of it though I'm sure.

And the bottom line? I've lost 10.9kg and my BMI has gone from 41.9 to 37.3. I've lost more than 10% of my body weight, which significantly reduces my risk of all the nasty stuff that can happen to you if you're overweight. Yay.

I've got a long way to go, but I'm pretty pleased with where I am.

Newer Limey Yellow Pics

2009-02-03T19:50:00.003+11:00

I used the timer function to take updated photos tonight, but the results aren't that great so I'll post these photos now, but might try and get better ones taken later on and replace them. I can't really see a difference, but I know it's there I guess.

10kg Down!

2009-02-03T07:55:00.003+11:00

As of this morning, I've lost 10kg. I've been close for a couple of days, but today I hit it. Yippee!It means that my BMI is now 37 which is much closer to the 25 that I'm aiming for. I didn't get around to taking photos yet, but will really try and organise it now, because there should be something to see.....................or something less???

H2O and Food Fantasies

2009-02-02T20:54:00.006+11:00

Today was my first day back at work since Christmas ~ I interviewed 12 families ready for Preschool this year and so had to talk ALL day. I still feel great and so it was fine, but I just didn't fit in enough drinking amongst all that talking and ended up with a mighty headache by the evening. It's become such a habit at home, and I thought I was well prepared with bottles of water in the school fridge...................but I just didn't drink them. Unfortunately they don't hydrate you in the fridge. Tomorrow I'm going to drink one in the hour or so between getting to work and the first interview, and then put another on my desk as I interview, replacing it each time I finish one. One of the dads from my class works for a water delivery company and so we're going to organise a water cooler for our classroom through him. I was thinking of it to get the kids to drink more, but maybe it'll get me in the swing more efficiently too. I'll let you know how I go tomorrow.

I've got 2 more days on the liquids only diet, and I must admit to having some fantasies about food ~ they're all about lumpy, bumpy, crunchy food that you can chew. I can't wait to get my teeth into something. Of course the initial food will be mushy stuff, but I'm sure that before long I'll be munching and crunching. It's not that I'm hungry really, just that I'm bored with drinking everything. My teeth are lonely. Moving onto 'mushies' will be great. My teeth are excited!

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-31T14:19:00.006+11:00

Well the second lot of dressings came off last night and all I can say is "THAT HURTS!!!" I took about 10 minutes to get the first one off, and had just resigned myself to the fact that the other 4 would just have to stay on forever because there was no way that I was doing that again and again and again and again..........................................of course after a few stern words with myself I managed to persevere and get the others off with a bit of loud swearing and moaning, but it wasn't fun. I've now got gorgeous overlapping red rectangles all over my abdomen from where the skin is inflamed and sore from the evil adhesive dressings. For those of you with an Early Childhood literacy background, I look like Elmer the patchwork elephant, although my rectangles are all red rather than his fetching multi-coloured ones.
I've left the incisions uncovered now, and that's a weird feeling. They all look good, with the one small one still really bruised, but all appear to be healing well. I've lost just under 10kg now, and so will try and do the next lot of photos this weekend so that I can have a look. I don't perceive a weight-loss yet, but others have commented so maybe it's apparent on the outside, just not from the inside.

I'm still doing well on the liquid diet. I'm branching out into more varied pureed soups, and last night had a bit of ice-cream smooshed up with milo and it was yummo. I'm looking forward to the 'mushies' stage, but I can definitely manage another 4 days on liquids.

Introducing 'Betty Band'!

2009-01-29T08:33:00.002+11:00

As those who know me understand, I have this overwhelming urge to name inanimate things that we have in our house. Our car is Marlin, our laptops are Gertie, Atilla & Tallullah and our portable DVD player is Bob. It seemed only fair that my lapband got herself a name, so I've been pondering it for a while and last night decided that it needed to be some kind of sexy bombshell with an hourglass figure. In the end, I went for 'Betty' because I've always admired Betty Boop, and thought that my new stomach with the band on looks a bit like Betty with her tiny waist cinched in. So 'Betty Band' it is.......................

There's A Hole In The Bucket.............Actually There's 5!

2009-01-26T19:30:00.006+11:00

Again, I warn you to look away if you're easily bothered or if you're in the middle of dinner, but here are the photos of my tummy with it's multiple stab wounds........................................of course they're the surgery scars, but 'multiple stab wounds' sounds so much more cool. There's only one that's a bit bruised, and the others look like they're well on the way to being healed. There's a 5th one hiding under my bra and I thought I'd refrain from showing you ALL of that!!!

To celebrate Chinese New Year tonight, I had dumpling soup for dinner. It had to be processed to within an inch of it's life, but it was totally, utterly delicious!

Happy Chinese New Year to all my friends, far and wide ~ I feel sure that The Year Of The Ox will be kind to me............................. an Ox is sort of a cow and cows have always been a bit of an obsession for me. It bodes well methinks.

Could Murphy's Law Be Banished????

2009-01-25T22:19:00.005+11:00

In a stunning turn-around of fortune, it seems that my luck has changed, and my recovery from this surgery has gone even better than could reasonably be expected. Quite honestly, I feel brilliant. No pain, no hunger and just slightly tired. I keep touching wood when I mention it to people, but this has gone well.................very well. Thankyou to all who have sent me positive thoughts ~ clearly those thoughts have transformed into luck.........................the GOOD kind for a change.

Slowly But Surely.......

2009-01-24T13:41:00.003+11:00

I had a fantastic night's sleep last night ~ I crushed up 2 Mersyndol and downed them with a bit of pear juice ~ and woke feeling brighter and on the mend. I had propped myself on some pillows so that I was almost sleeping on my tummy and ended up pretty comfortable. I haven't had (or needed) any pain relief since, and my incisions all look pretty good. I ended up with 5 all around my tummy, but 3 of them are only about 1cm long, one is about 2cm and the one where my port is is about 3-4cm.

I'm sipping away at various things, trying to get enough in, and with enough variety to get the nutrients that I need. Today I had V8 juice for breakfast, homemade chicken broth for lunch and water with Berocca in it in-between. I'm about to have a protein shake for arvo tea and then maybe some more broth for dinner. I'm managing to drink about 200-250ml over an hour at the moment and from what I've read that's about what's expected. I'm on this regime for at least a week and probably a bit into the second week as well before I gradually start thickening things up a bit. After all that Optifast, I'm really craving something salty rather than sweet for a change.

I weighed myself when I got home yesterday and I'd gained a couple of kilos ~ I was a bit miffed but they're coming off now so I think it's the result of all the fluid going in via the drip that I had in hospital. I was on the drip from the surgery right up until yesterday morning and 3 bags of fluid went in. It's a bit annoying since I didn't eat anything at all except a couple of spoons of broth and some apple juice on Thursday and the same on Friday really.

So, as my discharge sheet from hospital reads "......an uneventful recovery." Just what the doctor ordered!!

And for those folks wanting a look at my surgeon actually performing an operation, I'll include his photo at the bottom of this post, with thanks to Matt, for revealing his true identity to my readers!!!!!!!

T'was A Dark & Stormy Night......

2009-01-23T09:15:00.006+11:00

As Lyndall has alluded to in the comments for my last post, it was certainly a wild weather evening, with the hospital being hit by lightening early in the night and all the power going off for quite some time - just on back-up power. A good night to be lying around inside I reckon!

I managed to get my 'alien' inside me with minimal drama, almost no pain and 5 little scars to show for it. I feel brilliant, all things considered. I'm just sitting in my hospital bed waiting for my 'barium swallow' to check that the band is all in the right place and working properly, and then I can go home. I had a shitty night's sleep. There was a woman snoring her head off IN MY BED, and so there was very little sleep to be had, and when I finally did nod off at 3, the nurse decided that I needed anitbiotics and an injection. Can't wait for my own bed with enough room to make myself comfortable and hopefully kill off the snoring chick.

Now onto the 'liquids only' phase of my treatment, and letting the band settle in, and swelling to go down. I had broth and apple juice for brekky ~ would have preferred eggs benedict but they're not fancy enough for that here.

O More Sleeps

2009-01-22T06:23:00.002+11:00

So it's 6.30 and I'm off to hospital. Thanks for all the support to get this far.
See you on the other side!

1 More Sleep!

2009-01-21T20:23:00.004+11:00

I finished the pre-surgery diet tonight! As I've said before, it really wasn't a hassle at all but it's nice that this stage is over and I'm onto the next one. I've changed all the linen in the house, got on top of the washing and cleaned so that I can just relax when I'm home after the op, although my dogs will be here by themselves while I'm in hospital and they're quite capable of making a big mess when left to their own devices!!

By this time tomorrow I'll have a Lapband. Bring it on!

Oh, and by the way ~ as of this morning, I've lost a grand total of 7.1kg. Tomorrow there might even be a little more. To say that I'm thrilled is the understatement of the year!!!

Bits & Pieces

2009-01-20T23:21:00.003+11:00

I've just updated my 'blow up dolly' on the sidebar of the blog (the glamour girl in the orange dress) and now that I've lost 6.9kg there is finally a difference between 'start' and 'current'. She moves her hands down a bit and she IS starting to look slimmer........well done her!! Check her out.

The rollercoaster of emotions of the past few days are over, and the evil Shingles that started it all are on their way out. The potent anti-virals that my GP prescribed seem to be banishing them really quickly and so I feel confident that my surgeon is right and I'll be well enough for surgery on Thursday. Thankyou to all who held my hand through the anquish of limbo until I found out that I didn't need to postpone. I would have eaten KFC throughout the weekend if it weren't for the fervent hand-holding of my friends.

I'm on day 19 of the pre-op diet with only 1 day to go, and to be honest it's been an absolute walk in the park. I haven't found it hard at all, and really have not been hungry at any stage. I think the fact that I've been on holidays has helped because I haven't been around food much except for cooking Max's meals. I probably could have gone another week, and then boredom might have kicked in, and you'd need to add some variety and flexibility. It appears that I'm less addicted to food than I thought.

2 more sleeps, and then 1 BIG sleep in hospital and I'll be a new woman.............................actually pretty much the same old one, but with the capacity to change my life. I'm very excited.

I LOVE My Surgeon!

2009-01-19T22:01:00.003+11:00

With bated breath, I rang my surgeon's rooms this morning and spoke to his receptionist, explaining my Shingles and asking if she could share this with Dr Mosse and find out what he thought. She said that he probably wouldn't want to continue with the surgery but that I wouldn't have to wait long if we had to postpone.......................the next available date was 10th Feb. I agree, that's not long to wait, but it happens to be the day before Max's 6th birthday, and the first week of school. Ain't gonna happen folks! Of course she had to speak to Dr Mosse first, and she said that she'd get back to me today. I essentially waited with my mobile in my hand waiting for the stupid thing to ring all day. I went to the chiropractor for some kinesiology to kill the evil Shingles, but then continued to wait..................and not the patient kind of waiting. It was the 'wringing of hands' and 'mopping the brow' kind of waiting. Not pretty. Anyway, the receptionist finally got back to me right at the end of the day to let me know that.............

He Said Yes!!!!!!!!

I was so excited, and proposed marriage to both Dr Mosse AND his receptionist. Hopefully he won't now refuse to operate because of my mental instability! If he continues to believe that I'm of sound mind, I'll be operated on on Thursday.

In 3 more sleeps.

Soon!

The Black Hole Of Infertility

2009-01-18T20:29:00.004+11:00

I touched on this in an earlier post about my motivations for having a Lapband, but infertility has played a big part in my decision to have the surgery. I've been thinking about the 'baby chase' a lot lately, so decided to document that part of the journey as well, so here goes.......

I conceived Max with no difficulty at the age of 35 using just one cycle of IUI (inter-uterine insemination). When I felt ready to try for number 2, my specialist suggested that I go straight to IVF since I only had 2 straws from our donor available and you get more 'bang for your buck' with IVF (please excuse the mental image that arises with using that term!). He was very cautious initially because we both assumed that I was very fertile. As it turns out, we were both wrong. At the ripe old age of 38, I was already decidedly IN-fertile. I completed 11 cycles that resulted in 2 early pregnancy losses, 2 chemical pregnancies and 7 complete failures over a period of 3 years. I spent in the region of thirty thousand dollars, endured 5 hospital admissions for laparoscopic egg pick-ups, a hysteroscopy and a D & C and took an absolute cornucopia of drugs that escalated as the time went on until I was on 14 vitamins a day, steroids, blood thinners and 4 different IVF drugs in my final cycle. Each cycle I gave myself between 10 and 30 injections, had at least 10 blood tests and innumerable vaginal ultrasounds. I tried acupuncture, chiropractic, homeopathy and naturopathy. Despite all that, I coped pretty well with the process itself. I'm beginning to think that I did so because in my heart of hearts, I always thought that it was worth it because I would eventually succeed and have a second baby.

Fast forward to the middle of 2008, and I found myself on a flight to Sydney to consult a prominent specialist there. His summary was that he would prescribe an 'immune protocol' for me (assuming that my immune system may have been preventing implantation of embryos) but that there were probably multiple issues at play with my lack of success, and that it was unlikely for me to succeed at this point. It was a struggle to get through the final cycle, and although I got an initial positive pregnancy test, the levels quickly dropped and it was negative. With this cycle I had used up my remaining frozen embryos, and had already decided that I would call it quits. For the first time ever, it was really beginning to mess with my head.

Giving up was certainly the right thing to do, but it was quite simply the hardest, most harrowing thing that I've ever experienced. The grief and sense of loss are still with me, and despite seeing a great shrink, I have a long way to go before I'll be over the experience. Infertility digs a deep, deep hole inside you, and it's very hard to walk around with a wound as raw as that. I'm so traumatised by the experience that I don't cope at all well with anything to do with pregnancy or babies. Even pregnant strangers at the shops sometimes result in my sitting in the public toilets crying. The enormity of my feelings overwhelms me at times, and I just want the aftermath to be over, but I understand that I have to move through this stage to eventually come out the other side. My shrink says that I may always have an aversion to all things related to fertility, just as PTSD sufferers need to avoid triggers that take them back to the trauma. I hope not, because it's not easy to avoid babies and pregnancy. They're all around, and are a cause for great joy and delight. Unfortunately, the joy and delight remind me of what will never be, and that's too hard at the moment. It hurts though to be so traumatised by something that I enjoyed so much just a short time ago.

As well as sadness, there is an element of anger in me. I think that being a mum is one of the things that I do best, and is certainly the part of my life that I'm the most proud of. It's just not fair that I can't experience that again, when others do it so easily.................and for free! It's not a case of 'I deserve it more' than anybody else, but God I'm pissed off that I couldn't make it over the line. It does make me angry, but again, that's something that I have to experience before it will evolve into acceptance............or so I'm told!

One of my biggest fears is dying and leaving Max with no immediate family. I have this totally melodramatic image of him alone at my funeral. In my heart I know that this would never be the case in reality. He and I are surrounded by wonderful friends, we have our family and he now has his half brother and sister who share the same donor as him. We are truly blessed to have found them, and they certainly take the edge off my panic because Max DOES have siblings. However, being overweight increases the likelihood of an early death. I'm keen to do all I can to be with Max for as long as I can, and the Lapband is my tool to achieve that.

Another less tangible motivation is the idea that I've been ripped off by this whole fertility journey, and that I deserve a reward for my perseverance ~ a consolation prize for trying so hard. The lapband surgery is my light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel,and gives me something to look forward to. I need to be very careful though that I don't have unrealistic expectations of what role the Lapband will play in my life. It might distract me, and give me focus, but it won't pack infertility up and send it to Antarctica.

I haven't talked to my shrink much about the Lapband journey, but writing this all down has shown me that I probably need to. She'll listen reflectively, and give me good advice, but at the end of the day, I just have to keep on going until the fire burns out, then hopefully I can sweep up the ashes. Infertility sux.

Murphy's Law Has Moved In!

2009-01-17T21:38:00.006+11:00

Despite my previous assurances that I don't believe in 'Murphy's Law', I now know that he IS alive and well and LIVING IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up earlier this week with what I thought was an insect bite on my chest..........didn't think much about it. The 'bite' gradually spread and was red and very sore so today I popped in to see my wise and wonderful GP and it appears that I have Shingles. Shit. She's given me anit-virals and a cream to ease the discomfort but she thinks it's unlikely that I can have my surgery on Thursday. Shit. I won't know for sure till I can ring the clinic on Monday and find out the details. I'm devastated. It's just not fair. I'm sitting around feeling sorry for myself. And if that wasn't bad enough, my internet is down and so I'm typing this on my mini computer with my usb wireless modem. Shit. Consequently there might be a post drought for a bit. Shit again (just so you know that I'm shitty.)

Murphy's law is a complete bas787tard and he's living in MY HOUSE!

.....and all I want is KFC ~ my poison of choice when things go wrong!

But What IS a Gastric Lap Band?

2009-01-14T13:24:00.006+11:00

Some people have asked me exactly WHAT IS a lapband. It's a laparoscopic surgery (that means that the surgeon only needs to make very small cuts to put the instruments into my abdomen) where a silicone band is placed around the upper part of the stomach creating a small pouch. The 'port' is attached to this band by tubing and is placed just under the skin. At regular intervals (eg.once a month or so initially), the surgeon can tighten or loosen the band by injecting saline into the port through your skin which will inflate or deflate the band. The goal is to reach a state where you're able to eat 3 or 4 very small meals a day with ease and feel full and satisfied with this amount of food. Reaching this state can take a bit of tweaking, and if the band is too tight you can have problems getting some foods down. If it's too loose you lose the sense of fullness after the small meal and so are tempted to eat more. It's totally reversable, so you can have all of the 'fill' taken out of the band if, for any reason, you need to eat normally again and the band itself can be removed laparoscopically if ever needed. The risks include all the normal risks of a surgical procedure, but also less than 1% of paients will have a problem with the 'port' remaining in the correct place, patients who overeat, or vomit a lot can have problems with the band itself slipping or moving and there is a minute risk of infection. My surgeon has never had a patient infection, so I'm not planning to be his first. All in all it's a relatively simple procedure, that is effective as a tool to aid weight loss and maintenance. I'm expecting to be in the 80% success rate.
(See Lyndall, I didn't mention Murphy's Law even once!!!!!!)

Conscious and Present

2009-01-13T18:28:00.003+11:00

I'm on Day 12 of my pre-op diet today and it's still fairly easy. Despite the blissful comments about the strawberry Optifast, I'm pretty much a 'chocolate' girl mostly. I've added psyllium husks to the mix yesterday and today because reducing the bulk that I'm eating and limiting the fibre has caused a...........ahem........fairly indelicate problem. The psyllium husks aren't noticeable at all in the shakes and they seem to be doing the job so far, with the beginnings of 'movement at the station' so to speak! I'm really, truly not hungry, but there are times when I'd really LIKE something to eat. I've noticed how often I have to stop myself from finishing something from Max's plate, or popping something in my mouth as I'm cooking for him. I guess it's all about being conscious and present around food, rather than absentminded as I've obviously been in the past. The nice thing about Optifast is that you don't really eat at all, apart from the 2 cups of allowed vegetables a day. This keeps you fairly well out of harms way, but I can imagine that I'll need to practise the 'conscious and present' thing a lot once I'm back to eating real, live food again. As a result of being out of harms way for 12 days, I've managed to lose 5.5kg so far. That's got to help in the long run I guess, and they are kilos that I won't need to lose again.

Habits and History

2009-01-12T22:00:00.003+11:00

There's something about us humans which makes it easier to do things that have become a habit or have some kind of history for us, and in many instances we continue behaviours solely because of habit and history, long after the behaviour has any merit. Food and eating behaviours are certainly like this for me. There's the habit of having a snack after Max goes to bed, the history of eating jelly-snakes when we used to do long car trips as a child, and the habit of 'rewarding' myself with something yummy after a challenging situation. I'm going to have to be able to change these behaviours once I'm banded. Will it be hard? I'm guessing it will. The LB will take away the physical sensation of hunger, but physical hunger is only one book in the library of reasons for me to eat! Boredom, depression, celebration, anxiety, procrastination................they all work for me as good reasons to have something to eat. I've heard discussions amongst other bandsters about the pre-op diet, and although there's a good medical reason to require it (shrinking the liver to make moving it during surgery safer), another benefit is putting some 'space' between the old eating habits and the new, improved eating behaviours post surgery. There will be a good 2 or 3 months between my old eating pattern, and the ability to eat relatively normally with the LB in place. Hopefully that will go some way towards loosening the grip of the habits and history. I've always subscribed to the belief that if you can see a potential problem and acknowledge it's existence, it has less of a chance to bite you on the bum. Here's hoping that my bum can manage to remain largely unbitten by this particular challenge.

Fluffy Strawberry Mousse Stuff

2009-01-11T15:50:00.004+11:00

So far on my pre-op diet I've been using up Optifast sachets that I had in the cupboard from a previous weight loss episode. I've been mostly enjoying the chocolate shakes whizzed up with ice and some de-caf coffee to take away the sweetness but I've also had a couple of the vanilla ones either with vanilla essence or strawberry essence to disguise the odd flavour. Unfortunately neither 'fix' for the vanilla shakes really appealed and so the chocolate has been the one I reach for. Today I tried a trick that I read on a lapband forum and it was spectacularly successful. I ended up with a fluffy pile of yummy pink goodness to slurp ~ it was divine and even better, it was totally legal. Here's the goss:

I put 4 or 5 ice cubes in the blender with about 300ml of cold water, the vanilla sachet and 3 big tablespoons of dark cherry diet jelly (already set).

I was racing out tomorrow to get more chocolate shakes, but I'm a bit more relaxed now that I'm in pink fluffy bliss! ...........and just to confirm, I didn't actually have a strawberry on the top of mine cause they're not allowed!!!

Body Image Thoughts

2009-01-10T14:22:00.004+11:00

The way we see ourselves is such a subjective thing, and body image is just one part of that. For some reason, I've always had a fairly healthy body image, and have confidence in the way that I look. I think having a large serving of 'fashion passion' helps that because I know how to dress to take advantage of my great points and to minimise the less gorgeous aspects of my body. To be truthful, clothes and fashion are amongst my absolute favourite things and I love the ability to express who I am through my clothes and accessories. I've never wanted to look like everyone else, and so don't aspire to any model-like frame or yearn to have the looks of anybody else. So...................................how will I feel as I change shape? I'm expecting that losing weight will make me feel more secure about my health and that's got to be a big mood lifter, and perhaps I'll enjoy clothes even more because there'll be more variety available to me. I'm looking forward to enjoying the progress of my weight loss, because for so long I've felt disappointed at the failings of my body in the fertility quest. It will be nice to have my body on my side for once! There's no doubt it will be an interesting journey.

Goals And Evolving Shape

2009-01-08T11:27:00.007+11:00

In the last couple of days, I've talked with friends about when I'll notice a difference in my shape. Lyndall showed me a blog where a woman took photos after she'd lost 10 pounds (4.5kg I think). There was a noticeable difference, but then I think she was a relatively smaller woman, so the small loss was significant. Bron (and I'm not speaking of a split-personality thing here.....................I actually DO have a friend called Bron!) thinks that the difference is noticeable when you've lost 10% of your body weight. For me, that's another 6 or so kilos away. I'll take photos again at the start of Feb, and maybe there will be something to notice then. I wonder when I'll start to feel 'slim' too. I know that it's all a matter of perspective, and I can remember feeling like a ginormous slug about 20 years ago when I was 80kg. I wonder what 80kg will feel like on the way down?

My surgeon has said that 65kg is a realistic goal for me to aim for. I agree with him in some ways, but I do have this thing in my mind that I want to end up within the 'healthy weight range' after all the effort. At 65kg I would still be considered 'overweight'. Unfortunately for a short-arse such as myself, the 'healthy weight range' is 48-60kg. I'm a 42 year old woman who's had a child and has enormous feet and hands, so I don't expect to shrivel down to 48kg, but 60kg sounds nice. I'll have to weight (tee-hee) and see how I feel when I get closer to make a firmer decision. God, I might struggle to get to 65kg, but while it's all mythical and I can pretend that it's in my control, I think 60kg is the goal in my mind. I tried to find images of women at that weight but could only find a Burmese Python and Snow Leopard who each weigh 60kg. I think I'm leaning towards the Python though.............................long and lean has always been a look I admire!!!!

Famine Without Tears

2009-01-07T22:40:00.005+11:00

Day 6 has passed without any drama really. Max had a sleepover with Floyd (thanks Vicky and Rocky!) and so I went to see 'Australia' tonight. It was ok, not great, but ok. I did sorta kinda miss the popcorn. If the movie was better I wouldn't have even missed the popcorn. I truly am not hungry at all, and the best bit?

I've lost almost 4 kilos!

....and tomorrow is the day that I was asked to start the pre-op diet by my surgeon, and so those are 4 bonus kilos. Yay.

Who Gave The Cocky Salami?

2009-01-06T15:25:00.003+11:00

It's day 5, and hunger is still kept at bay....................................but unfortunately there's a nasty side effect becoming apparent. My body is now using it's own fat stores for energy rather than using up carbs and sugar that I've eaten. This process is called 'ketosis' and the chemicals that are produced are called 'ketones'. This is all great. It's what's supposed to be happening to me. But there's a catch. Apparently ketones stink, and thus, my mouth now tastes like the bottom of a cocky's cage. Not one of those nice pet cockys. Oh no,no!! One of the ones who's lived his entire life on a pirate ship, smokes a pipe, never washes and eats spicy salami for dinner. My mouth tastes like the bottom of HIS cage on a bad morning. Even when I drink my obligatory 2 litres of water, I can taste my feathered friend. It's foul..................or should that be 'fowl'? My notes from the dietitian suggest that I chew parsley, eat a sugar-free mint or chew gum to alleviate this affliction. So far I haven't tried any of these strategies, but if George Clooney knocks on the door, I'll be chowing down on parsley like there's no tomorrow.

..............and for those who enjoy a chemistry lesson, here's a link to the correct scientific explanation of 'ketosis' in mind-numbing detail.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketosis

I'll Never Make Brown Playdough Again!

2009-01-05T20:34:00.004+11:00

Today is day 4 of the VLCD (the liver shrinking diet pre-surgery) and for the first time, I really felt like I wanted something to eat. I've been having the salad, but I just wanted something else so I popped down to a discount chemist and bought the Optifast Chocolate Bars. Please dear friends, don't do this.......................ever. As some wise person on a lapband forum has said, their taste and texture are like brown playdough wrapped in sweeter than sweet chocolate coating. UUrrggghhh! It was just plain disgusting, and I'm the girl who swears that she'll eat anything (possibly even dog poo if it was garnished with a little pesto!). I ate it for lunch at about 1.30 and I still feel a bit sick. The box was $17 so I'm going to be generous and give the little suckers a second chance in a few days, but if they can't smarten up and taste like actual food, I'm chucking them. Here's a picture of them so that (if you're a real friend to me) you'll be able to punch them in a dark alley if you bump into them!

Limey Yellow Before Shots

2009-01-05T09:58:00.004+11:00

Look away if you're easily shocked, but here are my 'before' photos. It honestly took a fair few minutes of angst before I decided to actually post them, but then I thought, if I'm not brave enough to post these, I don't deserve to post the 'after' ones, so here they are in all their limey yellow glory!! I've hung the glam yellow leggings and lime cami behind my bedroom door and will commit to putting them on once a month for a photo to keep track of my progress. I'm actually quite pleased that the pics are 'out there', because that means that I HAVE to succeed!!

Starving is easy!

2009-01-04T12:25:00.003+11:00

Today is my 3rd day on the Optifast VLCD and so far, I'm cruising! The only time I was even slightly tempted to do something naughty was when my neighbours decided to have a BBQ and the smell of juicy, browning meat wafted gracefully into my lounge room....................I shut the door but I still wanted it. I've only had my 2 cups of vegetables each day as salad so far, so need to experiment with stirfries/roasting/adding spices to keep my palate interested. I'm loving the shakes with some ice and whizzed up in my blender ~ actually feels quite decadent. I'm very lucky, because lots of people hate the taste and/or the texture. My scales tell me that I've lost a couple of kilos too ~ so far, so good!

The Yellow Brick Road

2009-01-03T13:59:00.002+11:00

2008 was a challenging year, with my 11th and 12th failed IVF cycles in the 'give Max a sibling' quest. The feelings of despair and disappointment were starting to overwhelm me, and I felt panicked about dying too early to see Max into adulthood. I just had to find a way to minimise the health risks that heredity and being overweight had given me. After all that failed IVF, I was also developing a pretty nasty case of 'body loathing' ~ why couldn't it get it's stupid act together and get pregnant? I quit that nasty IVF habit (sounds easy, but was actually the hardest thing I've ever done), and then had to deal with the fallout, including the damage that I'd done to my body with drugs and hormones. Losing weight was a must.

A good friend from my SMC group (Sole Parents by Choice), Fi, had gone the Lapband (LB) way early in 2008 and was doing really well, and so I thought I'd do a bit of research and see if that was the right thing for me. I read and read and read, I spoke to my wise and sensible GP and read a bit more. The critical statistics for me were that if you have more than 15kg to lose, diet and exercise will only be successful in the long-term for 10% of people. With a LB, 80% of people will be successful losing and maintaining their excess weight. I'm no good with numbers, but that sounds good to me.

The decision about surgeons wasn't hard ~ there's only one in Canberra. Of course I could try further afield, but I rang his clinic in August and luckily there was an Information Session the following week, and so I went along for a stickybeak. Dr Charlie Mosse has the gift of the gab, and he seemed genuine and professional ~ I liked him straight away, and if you're going to let someone poke about in your insides, you should like them I think!

After the Info Session, I rang the clinic and was asked to see their bariatritian, dietitian and patient liaison person and then I could make an appointment with the surgeon. I worked my way through those appointments over the last third of 2008, and with each session, I became more and more confident that this was a strategy that would help me regain control of my future. By the time I had my appointment with Dr Mosse in November, I had decided to go ahead.

The date was set for 22nd January 2008. I wanted it to be earlier in January to allow more recovery time before going back to school in late January, but that was the earliest that was possible. I was asked to begin a Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD) starting on the 8th of January 2009 in an effort to shrink my liver to assist with safe surgery.

In the first week of January, I embarked on an 'Eat-Fest', the likes of which haven't been seen since the times of King Henry VIII ~ you know the drill............KFC, chocolate, chips etc. It had to stop, and so I officially started on the VLCD regime yesterday ~ Friday 2nd January 2009.

My feet are firmly planted on The Yellow Brick Road to success.

Let's start at the very beginning.......

2009-01-03T10:55:00.001+11:00

A very good place to start! It all began in 1966 when I was born....................but actually it didn't start there. It really started with my parents and my grandparents. My grandfather on my mum's side was a short round man with an enthusiastic approach to life. He loved music, was gregarious and outgoing and loved his food. He died in his 50's from cancer. His only daughter was my mum. She was a short round woman with an enthusiastic approach to life. She loved music, was gregarious and outgoing and loved her food. She died at 64 from cancer. Her eldest daughter is Bron. She is a short round woman with an enthusiastic approach to life. She loves music, is gregarious and outgoing and loves her food. AND THERE THE SIMILARITY ENDS!!

As the single parent of one beautiful 5 year old son, I've decided to end the hereditary pattern. I can't afford to leave Max alone until he's older and settled into a life of his own. I'm having Gastric Lapband surgery on the 22nd of January 2009. My surgeon has told me that if I'm careful, and do what I'm supposed to do, I can halve my risk of bowel cancer and extend my life expectancy by at least 10 years. That's the plan anyway!

Hang on tight, because this is going to be a bumpy ride!